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Champions League Final Preview
Written by chaelgoat

The sweet, sweet smell of the late May air is in the air. We both know that only means one thing, the UEFA champions league final is around the corner. Just right around the corner, all we gotta do is turn that corner. This years final consists of two teams. It usually does, but this time it is Liverpool and Real Madrid. Two teams that are pretty good imo. Real Madrid are champions of Spain, which they won by a wide margin. Liverpool should’ve been champions of Engreland, but oil got in their way, slippery init. They got the league cup and the FA cup so they want another throphy. Lets just dive rite into this/

Madrid have been the comeback kids, but i think the other teams just bottled. PSG stinks and Messi is finished, chelsea employs obecce James, and Pep sub on Grealsh in the second leg like they were 5-0 up on Burnley. They don’t deserve to be here. Liverpool does though, they’ve cruised through the knockout rounds, leave a path of destruction in their wake. They smashed gigantic clubs like benficia, Villeal, and Porto. Liverpool are the favorite going in and they should win this, but there are some matchups that could go Madrid’s way.

Real Madrid’s best player [Benzema] will be put in the pocket of VVD. As calm as you like, hes Virgil van Dijk. As a liverpool supporter, two things worry me. The first is Vini. Trent Alexander Arnold is the worst right back in the world. I’d imagined hes had nightmares about this matchup. Big Ibrahama Konate will be critical here. Big Ibou is boss and Colossal, so when Vini burns trent he needs to come down and crunch Vini.

The second thing here is casemiro. The lad had arguably five bookable offenses in the second leg, only left with a yellow. I’ve got a bad feeling he’s gonna try to shatter Salah’s shins with the most absurd two foot challenge known to man 3 minutes into the match. He’ll probably only get a yellow too. That’s why we need to bring on Jamer Milner to cripple benz at some point.

I think Liverpool should trot out a midfield of Thiago [Thiago Alcantara], Fabinho, and Hendo. Naby lad can be class but he’s more inconsistent than Michael Johnson. Hendo kinda sucks but he’s a leadership merchant. Up front it has to be Salad, Mane, and Diaz. Diogo Jota is pretty useless and i hope he doesn’t see the ptich. Ibou should prolly get the nod over Matip.

The game won’t really start until it’s 2-0 Liverpool in the 80th minute. I predict Madrid to equalize with two late goals, only for Divock Origi to shut it down in stoppage time. Number 7 is coming home

Prediction: Liverpool (Thiago 29’, Diaz 51’, Origi 90+2’) 3-2 (Benzema 83’,87’) Real Madrid

Main Event Guide
Written by SandhagenSZN

Being an American brand, the UFC holds the vast majority of its shows at a time most convenient to the U.S viewer. Whether this means 9pm at The Apex or 5am in Manchester, the Americans have it the easiest when it comes to watching fights. Due to the time difference from the US to Europe being at least 6 hours, fight fans from the peninsula of peninsulas often find themselves watching a ppv main event with the sun coming up or falling asleep and missing the card entirely. To help European fans catch their favourite fighters’ matches in real time, we’ve put together a simple guide to staying up for a U.S prime time main event.

1- Alarm

This one is pretty self explanatory- set an alarm for the main event and hope you wake up for it. This method can be successful but can also lead to you waking up an hour late looking at your favourite fighter unconscious and daniel cormier and joe rogan talking about something that has nothing to do with what just happened. 6/10 strategy

2- Watch the entire card

This is a strategy that’s entirely dependent on the rest of the fight card. If lucky, you’ll watch a fight of the year contender, 7 wheel kick knockouts and a flying triangle on HerbDean. howevr, on your average espn+ apex card, you’ll be treated to fat heavyweights plodding around the ring and the dreaded 125 pound woman fight capable of putting a hyperactive school child to sleep. a further negtif aspect of this method is the 7000 adverts you have to sit through- one can only watch SO many clips of brian ortega punching a stack of tyres before succumbing to their own erection (ortega is fucking gorgeous i’m sorry) other ads include a freakishly tanned greek gambling addict convincing you betting on jessica aye to get a finish is a good idea;. 4/10 strategy

3- Bigi Boy hack

As any loyal BirksMMA.com fan will know,, the greatest UFC champon of all time is back in action this week as Jairzinho “Bigi Boy” Rozenstruik takes on Xlekander “Drago” Volkov. This method works well for the average card but is especaly successful on a card headed by the Surinamianese prince;) at any moment you feel even slightly tired, pull up the famous pick of Jair roller skating and soothe your discontent with the thought that the messiah will be fighting soon 9.10 startegy

4- Amphetamine

Our final method to making sure you don’t misout on the main event off a card is very much a double edged sword- this StrateGY is one that invlolves tired viewers consuming incredible amounts of amphetamines to make sure they are extra pumped for the headliner! Whilst there are definite issues with this from a helth standpoint, anyone willing to stay up until 7am to watch amanda Lemos fight likely has nothing to lose’ 12:10 strategy (consequences aside(

Have fun never missing a main event again and happy BIGI BOY FIGHT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!

BirksMMA breakdown of Chaels Champions League Final Preview
Written by BirksMMA

Previously in this issue of the roundup you will have read Chaels thoughts on the upcoming champions league final between the pool and the drid, unfortunately for the chael this game has since passed, so I will breakdown his thoughts leading up to the match and laugh at him potentially (I wrote this intro before reading his breakdown he could’ve nailed it).

Lets read

“As a liverpool supporter, two things worry me. The first is Vini. Trent Alexander Arnold is the worst right back in the world. I’d imagined hes had nightmares about this matchup.”

Well ain't this a great way to start, after witnessing this spectacles of a match I think its fair to say that Trent is the worst player of all time, up there with Lionel Messi, Alexander Nimely, and Stephen ``wonderboy” Thomp song. Chael was bang on the money with this prediction, as Trent being a slow sloppy loser cost them the match, as he allowed Vinicious to score the deciding goal.

“Up front it has to be Salad, Mane, and Diaz. Diogo Jota is pretty useless and i hope he doesn’t see the ptich. Ibou should prolly get the nod over Matip.”

This was an interesting call by Chael, Ibou getting the nod over Matip was a good call, as Ibou generally played pretty well and put in a stellar performance. The first part is a little contentious in my honest humble truthful sincere candid frank genuine objective impartial unbiased equitable opinion, as we all know Salah is a miss and miss player who missed more time than he hits, afcon changed him. Jota came on towards the end of the game and did some pretty useful stuffs, Jota > Salah tbh tbh

“If liverpool lose this game then I will become a Manchester City fan and trim my toenails”

This was a high steaks moment from Chael, could tell the moment was getting to him, and now he must come to terms with the fact hes a Penchester City fan unfortunatasly.

“Prediction: Liverpool (Thiago 29’, Diaz 51’, Origi 90+2’) 3-2 (Benzema 83’,87’) Real Madrid”

Of the 5 people chal predicted to score goals not one of them scored goals, and the team he predicted to win did not win, however the saga of chael is not over, I will tie him up and force him to predict next years UCL final when it comes, and he may or may not redeem himself.

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