NFL Preview
Written by @imthatcuh and @ChaelGoat
The Nfl season started about 7 weeks ago, you know what that means. It’s time for a NFL preview from sir Cuh and sir Chael. Apologies for late, I got tired and dozed off. I pinky promise that all the predictions were made before the season. Enjoy
AAFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens-
Chael: Lamar is pretty cool, he can throw far and runs it. They have the better Harbaugh brother (fuck Jim Harbaugh) and their defense is nice. If they stay fit they should be a problem.
Prediction: 12-5; Wild Card
Cuh: If the whole team isn’t hospitalized by week 5 they should have a good season. So good I think they’ll even take the division back from the Bagel. I still hate them and their childish fanbase (sorry tok)
Prediction: 12:5; AFC North Champions
Pittsburgh Steelers-
Chael: Losing their sexual predator QB honestly probably helps them considering he was ass those last couple of years. Now they have 3 mid QBs with Pickett, Trybusky and the MAGA guy. I think Mitch starts the season but Kenny takes over midway. I think they’ll be a tough out for any team, lose some dumb games, and barely miss out on the playoffs.
Prediction: 9-8
Cuh: This is my team. I am weirdly excited about the upcoming Pittsburgh season. Sex symbol “Big Ben” Roethlisberger has moved on to bigger and better things and the future has never been brighter. There will be growing pains but Kenny Pickett will eventually figure it out and pick up some wins. We are a tough gritty team that will win games we shouldn’t win and lose games we shouldn't lose. Fun season but we won’t make the playoffs sadly. (Keep an eye on George Pickens, he’s pure entertainment)
Prediction: 9-8
Cleveland Browns-
Chael: From one sexual predator QB to another. Deshaun Watson is a fucking sicko but can throw a ball pretty well. Missing him for 11 games is gonna be too much to recover from, as I see them finishing last in a really tough division
Prediction: 6-11
Cuh: It’s absolutely disgusting that Deshaun Waton isn’t imprisoned yet. This team should squeeze out some wins but it should be another depressing season for Browns fans. Everything about this organization is complete poverty.
Prediction: 7-10
Cincinnati Bengals-
Chael: Coming off a superbowl season, the Bengals look poised for another playoff run. Joey Burrow is arguably the chillest dude in sports and with weapons like Jamar Chase, Tee Higgins, and Joe Mixon, the bengals are a real threat to drop 30+ points any given night. The defense stepped up big last year as well besides bum ass Eli Apple. If they O-Line goes from shit to mid they very well could go back to the super bowl.
Prediction: 12-5; AFC North Champions
Cuh: This team is good, but is also extremely overrated. Their super bowl appearance last year was in no means a fluke but some aspects of their team are so mid that it will prevent them from going on a run similar to last year. Joe Burrow is him, but a lot has to be perfect to go to back-to-back super bowls.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
AFC WEST
Las Vegas Raiders-
Chael: This is my team. After dealing with our coach getting outed for every -ism in the book (racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.) and our best receiver literally killing someone among other weird shit, the Raiders made the playoffs. Now this year, we added the best receiver in football in Davante Adams and Jon Jone brother Chandler. Derek will have a breakout year in the NFL’s toughest division and the Raiders will return to the playoffs.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Cuh: This team is extremely underrated. I am still confused on why they are not higher on sports books to win the Super Bowl. They just added one of the best receivers of all time in Davante Adams and have made improvements throughout the whole roster. Their squad last year almost took down the Bengal in the offs but everyone in their closed minded heads seems to just remember who won the game. Now imagine that same team with Tae Adams and a relative of Jon Jone. I don’t think they’ll win the division but they are my favorite to go on a Super Bowl run. Hunter Renfrow is also a sneaky athletic hard worker.
Prediction: 13-4; Wild Card
Kansas City Chiefs-
Chael: MaBitch, MaQueer, MaKetchup, MaLoser, MaCarried by Hill and Kelce, MaJackson Mahomes. Fuck that dude man he sucks and he’s a loser with no friends. Ugh fine, Chiefs will win the division again.
Prediction: 12-5; AFC West Champs
Cuh: Chefs in tough division and are rebuild. MaTikTok no good this season.
Prediction: 9-8
San Diego Chargers-
Chael: Yeah its San Diego, I will never refer to them as the place they actually play. They added some pieces and got a good team. But at the end of the day, their the Chargers. They are really good at losing games in back breaking ways. I see them doing the same thing, and missing out on the playoffs.
Prediction: 10-7
Cuh: This team is fuckin good. Justin Herber is him and they actually improved the defense this offseason. I expect this team to put up hall of fame numbers during the regular season then throw up on themselves in the playoffs. Charger gon charger.
Prediction: 13-4; AFC West Champions
Denver Broncos
Chael: Broncos Country, lets ride. Broncos Country, lets ride. Broncos Country, lets finish last in the division.
Prediction: 7-10
Cuh: Good team but division too much of a shark tank that it will cancel them out. They will just miss the playoffs.
Prediction: 11-6
AFC SOUTH
Houston Texans
Chael: The AFC south is the home of two of the most dogshit teams in the NFL, and one of those teams is the Texans. I don’t think their owners even car anymore, they made Lovie Smith their head coach. Lovie Smith, the guy who got fired from Illinois (sorry Gabe) and is now coaching a NFL team again. Ridiculous, I don’t think I could name 5 players on this dumpster fire of a team. Davis Mills, Brandin Cooks, Larmey Tunsil, and that’s all I got. Bad team.
Prediction: 3-14
Cuh: I can see Davis Mills the MVP conversation this season.
Prediction: 1-16
Jacksonville Jaguars
Chael: The Jags are garbage too but at least they are trying. They went out and overpaid for a mid wide receiver and drafted a sure-fire bust first overall. They were still shit when Urban Meyer was there but at least he knew how to have a good time.
Prediction: 3-14
Cuh: It’s time the Jags pack their bags and move the organization to Mexico (Los Jaguares). They just paid Christian fucking Kirk $300,000,000, fired sigma male Urban Meyer, and will continue to waste the best QB from the 2021 draft class’ whole career. Shahid Khan owning an NFL team is like a chimp with a machine gun!
Prediction: 5-11-1
Indianapolis Colts:
Chael: After having the best running back and one of the best defenses in football, the Colts just couldn’t overcome how bad Carson Wentz was last year and choked away the playoffs. Now they have Matt Ryan, who probably is an upgrade but idk. I see them having a very similar season to last, and missing the playoffs once again.
Prediction: 10-7
Cuh: This team doesn’t really have a whole lot of weaknesses. They added an even better tall white QB to the roster and have a lot of returning starters. I believe Jonathan Taylor can lead this good crop of guys very far.
Prediction: 13-4; AFC South Champions
Tennessee Titans
Chael: I don’t get this team. Yeah they have Derrick Henry but he was hurt most of last season. They have decent weapons and a mid quarterback, yet somehow they were first in the AFC last year. Maybe it’s cause four of their games are against the Texans and the Jags but I still don’t understand. On paper, they're the best team in the division and I think they will play like it.
Prediction: 11-5-1; AFC South Champions
Cuh: I think Derrick Henry will finally start to slow down this season and the franchise will slowly fade back into irrelevancy. Losing AJ Brown hurts a lot too.
Prediction: 10-7
AFC East
New York Jets
Chael: The Jets arguably won the 2022 draft. They added Sauce Gardner so that’s sick. They got Breece Hall (Kenneth Walker better) and best of all, the MILF fucker himself Zach Wilson. Yeah he fucked his Mom’s friend it was a whole thing. Anyways back to the football, Jets suck.
Prediction: 4-13
Cuh: Zach Wilson you dog
Prediction: 2-15
Miami Dolphins
Chael: Writing this I’m realizing there is alot of players in the NFL who don’t like women. Now I gotta write about Tyreek Hill’s team. Tua has a noodle arm and the uniforms are candy-ass. They’ll never win shit with that pussy as color scheme.
Prediction: 9-8
Cuh: Most average fun team I’ve ever seen in my 43 years of watching football. Tyreke Hill gets arrested by week 7 and this team will slowly cool down after a hot start.
Prediction: 9-8
New England Patriots
Chael: Mac Jones is so overrated. Bro is mid as hell but the team just wins. I honestly don’t think their gonna be as good as their record but they’ll make the yoffs. Bill belicheck always has something up his sleeve. Hate to give Cenar’s team a good prediction but my hands are sealed.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Cuh: Mac Jones mid but Belicheck is the Devil. Dogshit fanbase
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Buffalo Bills
Chael: The Bills are the best team in the NFL. I love the fanbase, I love the players, I love everything about Buffalo. Josh Allen is fucking sick and they have a really good defense. They got absolutely robbed out of super bowl run last year fuck you MaPenis breath. Josh Allen
Prediction: 13-4; AFC East Champions; 1 seed
Cuh: If the Steelers aren’t in the playoffs, I will be rooting for this team. I love me some Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs. I think they’ll choke tho.
Prediction: 14-3; AFC East Champions; 1 seed
NFC NORTH
Chicago Bears
Chael: Justin “Frog boy” Fields had a better team around him at Ohio State than he does now. He’s never gonna succeed on this garbage as team. I hope they hit the post a couple times this year in honor of Cody Parkey #NeverForgetTheDoubleDoink
Prediction: 5-12
Cuh: Hilarious franchise, I enjoy seeing them suffer. Jersey Jerry owns Frog Boy
Prediction: 3-14
Detroit Lions
Chael: I don’t have HBO
Prediction: 6-11
Cuh: Unlike Chael’s broke ass, I do have HBO. All I’ve seen from this team is nothing but gritty, hard working guys. Type of guys I’d let date my daughter. I predict coach Dan Campbell and former MVP runner-up, Jared Goff to lead this team to a respectable record.
Prediction- 6-11
Minnesota Vikings
Chael: Midesota Vikings, I think they are due for the playoff appearance they do every other year. JJ is cool, Kirk is mid, colors are cool, coach is mid. Cool stadium, mid city.
Prediction: 10-7; Wild Card
Cuh: Justin Jefferson fortnite move
Prediction: 10-7; Wild Card
Green Bay Packers
Chael: After losing Adams, I don’t think Aaron Rodgers cares anymore. He’s gonna trip balls all the way to another division title, probably followed by a early playoff exit.
Prediction: 11-5-1; NFC North Champions
Cuh: Even without Tae, Aaron Rodgers still gon be cookin the division off dem percs. Never doubt our lord and savior.
Prediction; 10-7; NFC North Champions
NFC West
Arizona Cardinals
Cuh: The NFC is so mid that I think this dogshit team will have another respectable regular season. They are so bitch made tho.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Chael: Kyler Murray is really small and he loves playing COD. They also have dumb uniforms. Bad team this year
Prediction: 6-11
Los Angeles Rams
Cuh: CGI team. No respect
Prediction: 13-4; NFC West Champions
Chael: Fuck you Gabe
Prediction: 13-4; NFC West Champions; 1 seed
San Francisco 49ers
Cuh: They have a well oiled machine but Trey Lance is stinky
Prediction: 7-10
Chael: Trey Lance sucks but they got a nice little team, Deebo has a wagon
Prediction: 11-6; Wild card
Seattle Seahawks
Cuh: Geno Smith and Drew Lock. C'mon man
Prediction: 2-15
Chael: They wrote me off but I didn’t write back though - Geno Smith (bad guy)
Prediction: 4-13
NFC South
Carolina Panthers
Cuh: It’s going to be sad day-bad day for panther fans when coach benches Baker for Sam “I see ghosts” Darnold.
Prediction: 6-11
Chael: This team has the 1st and 3rd pick of the 2018 NFL draft, Josh Allen went 7th. Excited to see how CMC gets injure this year
Prediction: 3-14
Atlanta Falcons
Cuh: What is this team cookin?
Prediction: 4-13
Chael: They got Marcus Mariota, cool jersey and stadium!
Prediction: 4-13
New Orleans Saints
Cuh: Don’t really know if I love or hate this team. For every pro, there’s a con. For example, Jameis Winston is back but they don’t have Sean Payton’s lips anymore.
Prediction: 10-7; Wild Card
Chael: Standing on a corner Jameis Winston down in Nola, such a fine sight to see
Prediction: 10-7; Wild card
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Cuh: Another classic season of Brady beating up on a B level division with an overpowered roster. Time for him to get a real job.
Prediction: 12-5; NFC South Champions
Chael: Tom Brady’s wife is leaving him.
Prediction: 13-4; NFC South Champions
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys
Cuh: Maturing is realizing that the Cowboys are awesome. They provide comedy for the league.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Chael: Mike McCarthy likes to eat his losses, luckily for him the division sucks so he should hover around 400 pounds this season. Trevon Diggs is a running back
Prediction: 11-6; Wild card
Philadelphia Eagles
Cuh: This team is very overrated. They will pick up wins against a dogshit division and Eagle fans will think they are good. Jalen Hurts sucks.
Prediction: 11-6; NFC East Champions
Chael: Fuck you Cuh, the Eagles are a wagon
Prediction: 12-5; NFC East champs
New York Giants
Cuh: Bad team. God I love this division.
Prediction: 3-14
Chael: Could be a sneaky, frisky team but you can only go so far with a fat head coach and a running back at QB
Prediction: 10-7
Washington Commanders
Cuh: COMMANDER CARSON
Prediction: 5-11-1
Chael: Fuck everyone for changing the name. The Washington football team was so fitting, they just a football team from Washington.
Prediction: 5-12
PLAYOFFS
FC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens-
Chael: Lamar is pretty cool, he can throw far and runs it. They have the better Harbaugh brother (fuck Jim Harbaugh) and their defense is nice. If they stay fit they should be a problem.
Prediction: 12-5; Wild Card
Cuh: If the whole team isn’t hospitalized by week 5 they should have a good season. So good I think they’ll even take the division back from the Bagel. I still hate them and their childish fanbase (sorry tok)
Prediction: 12:5; AFC North Champions
Pittsburgh Steelers-
Chael: Losing their sexual predator QB honestly probably helps them considering he was ass those last couple of years. Now they have 3 mid QBs with Pickett, Trybusky and the MAGA guy. I think Mitch starts the season but Kenny takes over midway. I think they’ll be a tough out for any team, lose some dumb games, and barely miss out on the playoffs.
Prediction: 9-8
Cuh: This is my team. I am weirdly excited about the upcoming Pittsburgh season. Sex symbol “Big Ben” Roethlisberger has moved on to bigger and better things and the future has never been brighter. There will be growing pains but Kenny Pickett will eventually figure it out and pick up some wins. We are a tough gritty team that will win games we shouldn’t win and lose games we shouldn't lose. Fun season but we won’t make the playoffs sadly. (Keep an eye on George Pickens, he’s pure entertainment)
Prediction: 9-8
Cleveland Browns-
Chael: From one sexual predator QB to another. Deshaun Watson is a fucking sicko but can throw a ball pretty well. Missing him for 11 games is gonna be too much to recover from, as I see them finishing last in a really tough division
Prediction: 6-11
Cuh: It’s absolutely disgusting that Deshaun Waton isn’t imprisoned yet. This team should squeeze out some wins but it should be another depressing season for Browns fans. Everything about this organization is complete poverty.
Prediction: 7-10
Cincinnati Bengals-
Chael: Coming off a superbowl season, the Bengals look poised for another playoff run. Joey Burrow is arguably the chillest dude in sports and with weapons like Jamar Chase, Tee Higgins, and Joe Mixon, the bengals are a real threat to drop 30+ points any given night. The defense stepped up big last year as well besides bum ass Eli Apple. If they O-Line goes from shit to mid they very well could go back to the super bowl.
Prediction: 12-5; AFC North Champions
Cuh: This team is good, but is also extremely overrated. Their super bowl appearance last year was in no means a fluke but some aspects of their team are so mid that it will prevent them from going on a run similar to last year. Joe Burrow is him, but a lot has to be perfect to go to back-to-back super bowls.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
AFC WEST
Las Vegas Raiders-
Chael: This is my team. After dealing with our coach getting outed for every -ism in the book (racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.) and our best receiver literally killing someone among other weird shit, the Raiders made the playoffs. Now this year, we added the best receiver in football in Davante Adams and Jon Jone brother Chandler. Derek will have a breakout year in the NFL’s toughest division and the Raiders will return to the playoffs.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Cuh: This team is extremely underrated. I am still confused on why they are not higher on sports books to win the Super Bowl. They just added one of the best receivers of all time in Davante Adams and have made improvements throughout the whole roster. Their squad last year almost took down the Bengal in the offs but everyone in their closed minded heads seems to just remember who won the game. Now imagine that same team with Tae Adams and a relative of Jon Jone. I don’t think they’ll win the division but they are my favorite to go on a Super Bowl run. Hunter Renfrow is also a sneaky athletic hard worker.
Prediction: 13-4; Wild Card
Kansas City Chiefs-
Chael: MaBitch, MaQueer, MaKetchup, MaLoser, MaCarried by Hill and Kelce, MaJackson Mahomes. Fuck that dude man he sucks and he’s a loser with no friends. Ugh fine, Chiefs will win the division again.
Prediction: 12-5; AFC West Champs
Cuh: Chefs in tough division and are rebuild. MaTikTok no good this season.
Prediction: 9-8
San Diego Chargers-
Chael: Yeah its San Diego, I will never refer to them as the place they actually play. They added some pieces and got a good team. But at the end of the day, their the Chargers. They are really good at losing games in back breaking ways. I see them doing the same thing, and missing out on the playoffs.
Prediction: 10-7
Cuh: This team is fuckin good. Justin Herber is him and they actually improved the defense this offseason. I expect this team to put up hall of fame numbers during the regular season then throw up on themselves in the playoffs. Charger gon charger.
Prediction: 13-4; AFC West Champions
Denver Broncos
Chael: Broncos Country, lets ride. Broncos Country, lets ride. Broncos Country, lets finish last in the division.
Prediction: 7-10
Cuh: Good team but division too much of a shark tank that it will cancel them out. They will just miss the playoffs.
Prediction: 11-6
AFC SOUTH
Houston Texans
Chael: The AFC south is the home of two of the most dogshit teams in the NFL, and one of those teams is the Texans. I don’t think their owners even car anymore, they made Lovie Smith their head coach. Lovie Smith, the guy who got fired from Illinois (sorry Gabe) and is now coaching a NFL team again. Ridiculous, I don’t think I could name 5 players on this dumpster fire of a team. Davis Mills, Brandin Cooks, Larmey Tunsil, and that’s all I got. Bad team.
Prediction: 3-14
Cuh: I can see Davis Mills the MVP conversation this season.
Prediction: 1-16
Jacksonville Jaguars
Chael: The Jags are garbage too but at least they are trying. They went out and overpaid for a mid wide receiver and drafted a sure-fire bust first overall. They were still shit when Urban Meyer was there but at least he knew how to have a good time.
Prediction: 3-14
Cuh: It’s time the Jags pack their bags and move the organization to Mexico (Los Jaguares). They just paid Christian fucking Kirk $300,000,000, fired sigma male Urban Meyer, and will continue to waste the best QB from the 2021 draft class’ whole career. Shahid Khan owning an NFL team is like a chimp with a machine gun!
Prediction: 5-11-1
Indianapolis Colts:
Chael: After having the best running back and one of the best defenses in football, the Colts just couldn’t overcome how bad Carson Wentz was last year and choked away the playoffs. Now they have Matt Ryan, who probably is an upgrade but idk. I see them having a very similar season to last, and missing the playoffs once again.
Prediction: 10-7
Cuh: This team doesn’t really have a whole lot of weaknesses. They added an even better tall white QB to the roster and have a lot of returning starters. I believe Jonathan Taylor can lead this good crop of guys very far.
Prediction: 13-4; AFC South Champions
Tennessee Titans
Chael: I don’t get this team. Yeah they have Derrick Henry but he was hurt most of last season. They have decent weapons and a mid quarterback, yet somehow they were first in the AFC last year. Maybe it’s cause four of their games are against the Texans and the Jags but I still don’t understand. On paper, they're the best team in the division and I think they will play like it.
Prediction: 11-5-1; AFC South Champions
Cuh: I think Derrick Henry will finally start to slow down this season and the franchise will slowly fade back into irrelevancy. Losing AJ Brown hurts a lot too.
Prediction: 10-7
AFC East
New York Jets
Chael: The Jets arguably won the 2022 draft. They added Sauce Gardner so that’s sick. They got Breece Hall (Kenneth Walker better) and best of all, the MILF fucker himself Zach Wilson. Yeah he fucked his Mom’s friend it was a whole thing. Anyways back to the football, Jets suck.
Prediction: 4-13
Cuh: Zach Wilson you dog
Prediction: 2-15
Miami Dolphins
Chael: Writing this I’m realizing there is alot of players in the NFL who don’t like women. Now I gotta write about Tyreek Hill’s team. Tua has a noodle arm and the uniforms are candy-ass. They’ll never win shit with that pussy as color scheme.
Prediction: 9-8
Cuh: Most average fun team I’ve ever seen in my 43 years of watching football. Tyreke Hill gets arrested by week 7 and this team will slowly cool down after a hot start.
Prediction: 9-8
New England Patriots
Chael: Mac Jones is so overrated. Bro is mid as hell but the team just wins. I honestly don’t think their gonna be as good as their record but they’ll make the yoffs. Bill belicheck always has something up his sleeve. Hate to give Cenar’s team a good prediction but my hands are sealed.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Cuh: Mac Jones mid but Belicheck is the Devil. Dogshit fanbase
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Buffalo Bills
Chael: The Bills are the best team in the NFL. I love the fanbase, I love the players, I love everything about Buffalo. Josh Allen is fucking sick and they have a really good defense. They got absolutely robbed out of super bowl run last year fuck you MaPenis breath. Josh Allen
Prediction: 13-4; AFC East Champions; 1 seed
Cuh: If the Steelers aren’t in the playoffs, I will be rooting for this team. I love me some Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs. I think they’ll choke tho.
Prediction: 14-3; AFC East Champions; 1 seed
NFC NORTH
Chicago Bears
Chael: Justin “Frog boy” Fields had a better team around him at Ohio State than he does now. He’s never gonna succeed on this garbage as team. I hope they hit the post a couple times this year in honor of Cody Parkey #NeverForgetTheDoubleDoink
Prediction: 5-12
Cuh: Hilarious franchise, I enjoy seeing them suffer. Jersey Jerry owns Frog Boy
Prediction: 3-14
Detroit Lions
Chael: I don’t have HBO
Prediction: 6-11
Cuh: Unlike Chael’s broke ass, I do have HBO. All I’ve seen from this team is nothing but gritty, hard working guys. Type of guys I’d let date my daughter. I predict coach Dan Campbell and former MVP runner-up, Jared Goff to lead this team to a respectable record.
Prediction- 6-11
Minnesota Vikings
Chael: Midesota Vikings, I think they are due for the playoff appearance they do every other year. JJ is cool, Kirk is mid, colors are cool, coach is mid. Cool stadium, mid city.
Prediction: 10-7; Wild Card
Cuh: Justin Jefferson fortnite move
Prediction: 10-7; Wild Card
Green Bay Packers
Chael: After losing Adams, I don’t think Aaron Rodgers cares anymore. He’s gonna trip balls all the way to another division title, probably followed by a early playoff exit.
Prediction: 11-5-1; NFC North Champions
Cuh: Even without Tae, Aaron Rodgers still gon be cookin the division off dem percs. Never doubt our lord and savior.
Prediction; 10-7; NFC North Champions
NFC West
Arizona Cardinals
Cuh: The NFC is so mid that I think this dogshit team will have another respectable regular season. They are so bitch made tho.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Chael: Kyler Murray is really small and he loves playing COD. They also have dumb uniforms. Bad team this year
Prediction: 6-11
Los Angeles Rams
Cuh: CGI team. No respect
Prediction: 13-4; NFC West Champions
Chael: Fuck you Gabe
Prediction: 13-4; NFC West Champions; 1 seed
San Francisco 49ers
Cuh: They have a well oiled machine but Trey Lance is stinky
Prediction: 7-10
Chael: Trey Lance sucks but they got a nice little team, Deebo has a wagon
Prediction: 11-6; Wild card
Seattle Seahawks
Cuh: Geno Smith and Drew Lock. C'mon man
Prediction: 2-15
Chael: They wrote me off but I didn’t write back though - Geno Smith (bad guy)
Prediction: 4-13
NFC South
Carolina Panthers
Cuh: It’s going to be sad day-bad day for panther fans when coach benches Baker for Sam “I see ghosts” Darnold.
Prediction: 6-11
Chael: This team has the 1st and 3rd pick of the 2018 NFL draft, Josh Allen went 7th. Excited to see how CMC gets injure this year
Prediction: 3-14
Atlanta Falcons
Cuh: What is this team cookin?
Prediction: 4-13
Chael: They got Marcus Mariota, cool jersey and stadium!
Prediction: 4-13
New Orleans Saints
Cuh: Don’t really know if I love or hate this team. For every pro, there’s a con. For example, Jameis Winston is back but they don’t have Sean Payton’s lips anymore.
Prediction: 10-7; Wild Card
Chael: Standing on a corner Jameis Winston down in Nola, such a fine sight to see
Prediction: 10-7; Wild card
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Cuh: Another classic season of Brady beating up on a B level division with an overpowered roster. Time for him to get a real job.
Prediction: 12-5; NFC South Champions
Chael: Tom Brady’s wife is leaving him.
Prediction: 13-4; NFC South Champions
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys
Cuh: Maturing is realizing that the Cowboys are awesome. They provide comedy for the league.
Prediction: 11-6; Wild Card
Chael: Mike McCarthy likes to eat his losses, luckily for him the division sucks so he should hover around 400 pounds this season. Trevon Diggs is a running back
Prediction: 11-6; Wild card
Philadelphia Eagles
Cuh: This team is very overrated. They will pick up wins against a dogshit division and Eagle fans will think they are good. Jalen Hurts sucks.
Prediction: 11-6; NFC East Champions
Chael: Fuck you Cuh, the Eagles are a wagon
Prediction: 12-5; NFC East champs
New York Giants
Cuh: Bad team. God I love this division.
Prediction: 3-14
Chael: Could be a sneaky, frisky team but you can only go so far with a fat head coach and a running back at QB
Prediction: 10-7
Washington Commanders
Cuh: COMMANDER CARSON
Prediction: 5-11-1
Chael: Fuck everyone for changing the name. The Washington football team was so fitting, they just a football team from Washington.
Prediction: 5-12
Thank you for reading !